When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize