Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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