Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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