actually, I'm a sock model
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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