You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
