textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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