He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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