I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
