i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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