I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
