What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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