Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
