Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
