with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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