how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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