theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
