Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
