she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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