just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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