I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
