and you said cock pushups were impossible
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
