Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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