I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
