dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
