you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
