Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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