sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
