I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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