I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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