i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
how does that bad decision feel?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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