Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
