You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
