woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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