Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
