Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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