i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
