my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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