I have demons in me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
