i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
