i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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