I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
