guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
