Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
