Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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