Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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