i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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