...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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