we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
