dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize