i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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