And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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