I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
