I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
