Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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