Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize