Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
