Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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