I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
