Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
