My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize