I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He has the fingertips of a God
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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