what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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