Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
