There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize