So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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