I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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