What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
