after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
