She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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