Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
